Do u know, how people make such an effort to appear a certain way and then you feel a certain dissonance between their attitude and what they dare to do, it's hard to explain, but it's like everyone is stuck by their choice or their unconscious mechanisms to act like they are a someone else besides themselves.

It's hard to find true people, even more in the mainstream, it all feels like a glass city covered in pillows... damn what a poet.

So like, I luckily found someone to love that would love me until the end of the world, and I hope this relationship will never end, and a lot of people don't have this, outside of HAVING the basic needs there is BEING loved and then CREATING, but I feel like, and by my past experience, when you don't feel loved, you feel an anxiousness haunting your insides, forcing the HAVING part to hoard more and more in order to feel ok, which will never be the case I feel like, you just become a black hole.

So idk until you don't learn at least even to feel ok you are going to try to BE a someone you are not, I'm past that sh- crap. The only thing I care about anymore, is to be happy, fuck cold ass, fake ass, relationships, or groups or events that end up sounding like that!!!

I'm me, I borderline have enough money to meet my basic needs, I am loved and I learned to make peace and love myself too, and I love muh partner theheehehehh, and all I care about right now is the joy of creating, not for the sake of Ego, just because it's FUN, and it's SO MUCH FUN, and it makes me HAPPY. Ego just makes you feel bigger, until you realize you are not and your world crumbles around you, it's an double edge illusion that is useless and counterproductive, I don't want that, I wanna be free.

And even admiring the work of other people, discovering a new area of the internet you neve knew existed, or of the world, and feel like a new region of your brain has unlocked lol. Discovering something I really like and be like, DAMN THATS COOL, I WANNA MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT, or even just sitting down without a real idea and coming up with inspiration midway the project.

Don't let this wall full of fake everything stop you, you gotta push through, break the wall find your people, and then learn to create to burn with passion, love your art, yourself, the people that care about you...

anyways have a nice dayayayay